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37 hours, 26 minutes, and 5 seconds until 25man Raid!
The name 'Hellfire Club' conjures up all sorts of sensational and lurid images, but what was the truth behind the legend?
First of all, the most famous Hellfire Club was the organization allegedly founded by Sir Heller (1708-1781) yet is was never called that name by its members. It was more formerly known as The Friars of Abbey Road, The Monks of Mayhem, or The Order of Knights of the Nerf.
As a young undead, Heller went on the Grand Tour of Kalimdor and spent some time in Thousand Needles. There he fell in love with the classical architecture and mythology of the country, developed a hatred of Alliance Elves, met Thrall and became a Scarlet Crusade secret agent. It was also in Thousand Needles where he cultivated a relationship with the Goblins never once disclosing his affiliation with the gnomes. Here, he was known to go on Noggenfogger binges for days, trash speedway cars and decimate entire populations of Naga. Eventually the goblins suspected Heller of stealing secret recipes and he was sent on his way, without even a Carrot on a Stick.
In 1739, Heller returned briefly to The Eastern Kingdoms and made contact with the Gnome Engineers. The Horde had prohibited the practice of Gnomish Engineering in 1738 and excommunicated all Engineers known to belong to the Specialty. The Horde Grand Master of the Undercity lodge was forced to close the lodge down and destroy all its papers to avoid being arrested by the Orc Inquisition.
On his return to Kalimdor, Heller founded the Society of the Two Cats Gently Caressing. This was one of many Orgrimmar clubs of the time patronised by the aristocracy and royalty and catering for the hard-drinking and womanising habit of wealthy orcs.
In 1746, Heller founded his Order of the Undead Gnomish Engineers and they initially met at the Vulture public house in the City of Thunder Bluff. The Engineers met in a room dominated by a "Lamp of Peaceful Repose". This lamp is not be confused with the one in the shape of a giant bat with an erect phallus formerly displayed on the Isle of Dread and allegedly belonging to the 'Hellfire Club'. In the tradition of the 18th century Gothic revival, Heller converted the Abbey at great expense into a suitable headquarters for his Order, installing stained glass windows and carving above the front door the motto "Do as thou will". The gardens boasted a statue of a naked Jaina Proudmoore (bending over, so the unwary visitor walked into her buttocks) and a well-endowed statue of King Bronzebeard.
Around 1750, Heller arranged to have built a network of caves under Raven Hill Cemetery and these were used by the Engineers for their meetings or, as local gossip had it, their wild orgies. The entrance to the caves was surrounded by crypts and a low passageway led northwards to join several small caves and catacombs. These caves featured individual 'cells' for the 'monks' to entertain their female guests, and a 'banqueting hall'. The catacombs were abandoned when the scourge claimed the cemetery and despite Heller's best efforts in recruiting low ranking alliance adventurers to remove the intruders, more scourge came, possibly attracted by the fresh blood and noggenfogger.
What exactly did Heller and his crew get up to in the caves? The members of the Hellfire Club included some of the most notorious and reviled people in the land. Suspected members included Gundent, an outspoken curmudgeon known for his snide comments to superiors, Drallop a seemingly funloving troll who suffered from narcolepsy, Gradec, a mountain of a tauren known best for his incessant rants about Assisting, Shanthrax, another undead and hated universally for being an overpowered warlock. In addition, the ranks of the club included a curious priest known only as "thepontiff", obviously an egomaniac. Racair, an undead mage who some would call a "ladies man", though no actual proof exists that he was infact all about the ladies.
If popular gossip in the taverms could be believed, the 'club' ferried dreamfoil and rumsey rum down the Gold Coast to sell and trade in the neutral goblin cities. They cared very little about lining their pockets with the gold of their enemies. Truth be told, can a gnomish engineer really claim loyalty to any faction? They also celebrated the Lunar Festival over the broken bodies of murlocs, elves, and dragonkin. Racair was reported to skin some of these bodies and gleefully distribute their hides among the members.
A painting was also done of Heller depicting him dressed in a monk's habit and kneeling to worship a statue of Lady Sylvanas. One of the leading members, John Doe, gave the game away when he said "No profane eye has dared to penetrate the Mysteries of the Chapter Room (the inner sanctum) where they assembled on solemn occasions .. secret rites performed and libations to the Banshee Queen".
Heller's secret society became a haven for many depraved, disloyal, outspoken, disenfranchised, and the poorly equipped. At some point, Heller disappeared from the record, though sparse mentions occur in the archives of Altarac Valley, it is said he went mad on Noggenfogger, or that he spends his time mining for thorium. Gundent, having gained some infamy as "The Destroyer of Guilds" is now the voice and head of the Order. The Order spends less time marketing commodities and womanizing now, as they have set their sites on Kharazan. Perhaps, if only the current inhabitants could be displaced, Kharazan would make for a grande temple of the order of the Hellfire Club.
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